The Healing Hug: Why Human Touch Matters More Than We Realise

Claire Mendelsohn
Oct 3
3 min read

We often underestimate the power of something so simple: a hug. Yet in those few seconds of arms wrapping around us, something profound happens. Stress eases. Breathing slows. The nervous system settles. For many, it feels like being stitched back together when life has left us frayed. This is the healing hug.

What Happens in a Hug?

When two people embrace, the body releases oxytocin—the hormone often called the “bonding chemical.” It’s the same hormone that mothers release during childbirth and breastfeeding, reinforcing trust and closeness. At the same time, cortisol, the stress hormone, begins to lower. Blood pressure can drop, heart rate can steady, and muscles start to relax. A hug is not just a gesture of affection—it’s a biochemical reset button.

Why Hugs Heal Emotionally

Beyond the science, hugs provide something deeply human: a sense of belonging. When we are hugged, we are reminded we are not alone. For someone carrying grief, fear, or anxiety, a hug can offer wordless reassurance. For someone celebrating, it amplifies joy by sharing it.

Hugs communicate what words often can’t: I see you. You matter. You’re safe here.

The Hug Deficit

And yet, many of us—especially men and older adults—live with a shortage of hugs. Social norms, fear of rejection, or cultural boundaries around touch can leave people feeling isolated. This “hug deficit” isn’t just sad—it can be damaging. Prolonged touch deprivation has been linked to depression, loneliness, and even weaker immunity.

Relearning the Hug

The healing hug isn’t about grand romantic gestures. It’s about everyday human connection. A long embrace between friends after bad news. A warm hold between family members. Even a brief squeeze between colleagues in moments of solidarity. The key is presence. A healing hug is not rushed or distracted. It’s a pause, a moment of shared stillness where both people give and receive comfort.

Tips for Giving (and Receiving) Healing Hugs

Ask first if you’re unsure. A simple, “Can I give you a hug?” shows respect and creates safety.
Hold for at least 20 seconds. Research suggests it takes around this long for oxytocin to really flow. A quick pat can be nice, but a lingering embrace does more healing work.
Breathe together. Matching your breath with the other person’s rhythm can deepen the sense of connection and calm.
Be fully present. Don’t hug while distracted or half-turned away—make it a moment of genuine attention.
Hug yourself, too. If no one’s around, wrapping your arms around your own body and squeezing firmly can still help regulate your nervous system.

When Healing Hugs Matter Most

Hugs can bring comfort anytime, but they are especially powerful in certain moments:

After loss or grief – offering wordless comfort when words fall short.
Before big challenges – like an interview, exam, or medical appointment, to boost courage.
During conflict resolution – sealing reconciliation with a gesture of peace.
In times of celebration – weddings, births, reunions, or victories, amplifying shared joy.
Everyday stress – after a long day, reminding someone they are not carrying life alone.

Giving More Hugs, Healing More Hearts

We live in a society that sometimes prizes independence to the point of disconnection. But we are wired for closeness. Offering hugs more freely—where appropriate and consensual—could be a quiet form of medicine we all carry.

So the next time someone you love is hurting, or when you yourself feel untethered, consider the healing hug. It may not solve every problem, but it can remind us that we are not walking through this life alone. And sometimes, that reminder is exactly what heals.