Skin Hunger: Why Men Suffer in Silence from Touch Deprivation and Loneliness

Claire Mendelsohn
Oct 3
3 min read

When James turned 42, he realised it had been months since anyone had touched him. His last hug was a quick one from his mother at Christmas. Since then, his days had been filled with work emails, gym sessions, and evenings spent scrolling on his phone. He had friends, sure—but the kind of friends who preferred a nod or a fist bump over anything more. One night, he admitted to himself that what he felt wasn’t just loneliness. It was an ache, almost physical, for simple human touch. James is not alone. He’s part of a quiet crisis many men experience but rarely talk about: skin hunger, the deep need for safe, affectionate touch.

What is Skin Hunger?

Skin hunger is not just a poetic phrase. Psychologists use it to describe the emotional and physical craving for human contact. Hugs, a reassuring hand on the shoulder, a friendly pat on the back—these small acts of touch release oxytocin, lower cortisol, and calm our nervous system. Without them, stress rises, depression can deepen, and loneliness becomes heavier.

Why Men Are Especially Vulnerable

From an early age, many boys are socialised to believe that touch is tied to weakness, vulnerability, or sexuality. They’re hugged less often as they grow, told to "man up," and encouraged to express affection through humour or banter rather than physical closeness. By adulthood, this often leaves men in a paradox: they deeply crave connection but fear that asking for it will make them seem needy, weak, or inappropriate. Outside of romantic or sexual relationships, many men simply don’t receive nurturing touch at all.

The Hidden Impact of Touch Deprivation

When men lack safe, affectionate touch, the effects can ripple through every part of life:

Emotional health: Loneliness and depression can intensify when there’s no outlet for physical comfort.
Physical health: Stress hormones rise without the soothing effects of touch, which can harm sleep, immunity, and even heart health.
Relationships: Without models for non-sexual touch, men may struggle to form close bonds, relying too heavily on partners for all physical intimacy.

The Loneliness Crisis

The issue ties into a broader loneliness crisis. Studies show men are less likely to have close friends they can confide in compared to women. As friendships become more digital and less physical, the absence of touch grows starker. Even casual, everyday touch—like handshakes, back pats, or side hugs—has become rarer.

Relearning the Language of Touch

So, what can be done? Addressing skin hunger in men starts with cultural change:

Normalising platonic touch: Friendships, families, and communities should embrace safe, affectionate contact without stigma.
Expanding definitions of masculinity: Strength can mean being open to affection and care, not just stoicism.
Creating safe spaces: From therapy groups to wellness workshops, we need environments where men can experience and talk about healthy touch.

A Human Need, Not a Weakness

At the heart of it, skin hunger is not about weakness or dependency. It’s about being human. Men deserve touch that nurtures, comforts, and connects—just as much as anyone else. A society that withholds this basic human need is one that fuels isolation.

Like James, many men are waiting for that moment of contact—a hug, a hand, a reminder that they are not as alone as they feel. Breaking the silence around touch deprivation may be one of the most powerful steps toward healing loneliness, for men and for all of us.